Friday 24 February 2012

You gotta have Faith-a-faith-a-faith


Being christened into a Catholic family but with a Mum whom never really pushed us to practice our beliefs I did quite like the thought and found comfort in the fact there was some greater Being watching over us and providing an afterlife of happiness for our lost loved ones...as long as they were good!


However, since the age of 7, when my father died, I have really struggled with my faith. Believing no God could possibly take a child's father away from them...surely he wouldn't be that cruel?

Losing my father had a huge impact on me, for a long time (and sometimes still) I felt angered that I wasn't enough for him to stay alive for, I felt lonely and latched on to my Gramps for that father figure in my life and massively saddened when I couldn't share my good news with him...exams, driving test etc. Worse still when I couldn't get him to beat up those waste of space ex's ;) I strongly believe this is where my attraction for older men comes from....a whole different blog!

The rebellious side of me likes to see how far I can push my faith ....I do feel I might selfcombust if I was to walk into church but there is still a huge part of me that can't quite let go. I think it's the fear I may be wrong (which ain't that often...I am female after all) and then turned away from the big pearly gates to live an eternity in the pits of hell! The thought of us being born to live and struggle to then just die and rot scares the creepers out of me. There has to be more to our existence...right? 

A death of a loved one brings me closer to my beliefs but I think it has more to do with me taking comfort they have moved on to a better place rather than lying in the ground. When my father died I always remember how my Mum told me. We sat looking up at the stars and she pointed at the brightest one and said, your Daddy is now one of the angels looking down on us and keeping us safe. Nice thought for a child. However, when your older and you meet boys it's a bit off putting to think so many people (especially your FATHER) are looking down on you ;) if you catch my drift!

I used to have weird rituals and code words where I would say out loud 'private time' and think this would stop any spirits from seeing me, or if the lights weren't on (if I can't see in the dark they sure as hell can't) or if I wasn't in Carlisle then they wouldn't know because they don't have GPS...I know I'm seriously strange!! ;-p

Growing even older and having more of an understanding on just how cruel we as humans can be to each other weakened my faith further. Someone who is supposed to be so good, loving and caring wouldn't allow such suffering to innocent people ...would they? Strangely though when I do start having serious doubts something weird will happen...like George Michael will come on the Radio (I knnnow who plays George Micheal these days) 'You gotta have Faith'! Now I know it ain't about God but the title haunts me.

However, at 9pm last night two tall men knocked on the door and to their horror my husband answered.......they were Jehovah Witnesses and they are yet to meet the most heathen individual EVER so I'm quite nervous as to his reaction! To my shock Ian told them to 'HOP IT' and shut the door on them before they could utter a word. This restored my faith in God again....The hubby usually swears (true story)!!

 It's a constant yo-yo battle for me!

Wednesday 22 February 2012

One for the ladies - it's just PANTS



Following on from my post 'as we get older' another problem I am sadly experiencing is that my underwear is not only mismatched now but is most probably 3 year old (could be older to fair) and more fitting for Bridget Jones than Bridget Bardot!!

Once upon a time (a life before children) I would spend a lot of money, time and effort sourcing the perfect underwear (oh how I miss Agent Provocateur). Making sure they fit well, created the right cleavage lift (not that at that age I needed much lift), bum didn't need lifting then so thongs were a popular choice and I actually felt comfortable. The right pants and bra could make an outfit and really make your day (or night *wink wink*). Sometimes (okay often) my underwear would become my outfit and the bra would end up my top (oh the shame looking back now) and I'm sure I can remember a time when my knickers where worn on the outside of my outfit....  
                                                                                                      .....it was a dare to be fair ;)

Now (a life after children) I don't have a single bra and knicker to match! This is when I can hear my Mam's voice, "what if you had a crash and the doctor had to cut your clothes off?", Ermm kind of hoping the doc would be concentrating more on making me better than making a move (although depends on how good looking he was...). The things Mothers think are important hey ;)

Life has become too busy and priorities have changed to worry about my underwear matching. Rushing round every morning chasing toddlers and getting the preschooler ready for school, whom by the way is JUST like her father and is never organised and can't find anything - even if right infront of them. The last thing on my mind is if I'm going to have a car crash today and would the doc mind if my bra was slightly grey from going through a mixed wash or if my pants were so far hitched up I could give Simon Cowell a run for his money. I should be bothered about the fact that I probably haven't shaved my legs in a few weeks but that's a whole other issue ;)

Thongs are now impossible and resemble something I floss my teeth with and I wouldn't dare put anyone through the image of me trudging the paths on the school run with a bag of ferrets as an ass! And don't even get me started on bras...how come once you pass the average C/D cup they start to resemble hammocks, not as pretty in design, certainly not dainty and they have ugly wide straps. If you didn't feel feminine before hand you certainly won't sporting one of these monstrositys. I don't think it's a lot to ask for someone ample chested (34FF) to be able to wear something pretty....do you?

Nope, it's safe to say that the suck in, tummy tuckers, buttock lifters, waist cinching Bridget Jones pants are now a firm commodity and will be part of my wardrobe collection for sometime (well actually a life time unless I win the lottery and visit doctor plastic).

Oh ladies, hitting my thirties wasn't a problem for me before infact I was quite looking forward to it but the closer September is getting the more things remind me on how my youth is disappearing QUICKLY and how I'm only going to get .....OLDER!!!

Damn the calendar ;-p 



Monday 20 February 2012

This Dancing Queen is going to Waterloo..

"Friendships last much longer than life lets us"

This post is inspired by a good friend, Patricia. A beautiful young woman both inside and out she is jetting off and experiencing the big bright world on her own (a braver girl than I). Although doubtful she will ever return I like to believe this is just an extended holiday.

Trish is a friend that I don't see on a regular basis (She's in Newcastle and I'm in Carlisle) but when we do meet up it's like we just saw each other yesterday and is heartbreaking when we depart again. When someone is far more special than they realise it makes you feel even more blessed to have them in your circle of friends. A million miles will never take away a friendship like that.

The leaving party was this weekend gone and although it was dreaded and not really wanted I knew if I didn't go I would regret for the rest of my life....and an AWESOME night it was indeed. In true Tricia style she danced the night away imprinting more fun memories on her loved ones and yep those darn shoes were kicked off within minutes of turning up. Cut and bleeding feet did not stop the 'Dancing Queen', plasters were not required as alcohol masked the pain and to be honest the blood trail helped us keep an eye on where ever she wandered off to ;)

There were speeches, there were tears, there was laughter and a surprising potty mouth from our gorgeous little Sarah (who is a teacher may I add). And of course there was a cake!! However, I don't recall anyone challenging the 'Dancing Queen' to a dance off....funny that ;)

A very hungover, tired and ILL Emma set back off to Carlisle (in my very comfy pyjamas and dark sunglasses - yep I really did drive home in my pj's) and blasted Rihanna from the speakers to try and keep me awake...when 'Farewell' came on. The WHOLE journey home I blubbed like a baby with it stuck on repeat! Finally hitting home that we will never see each other again, never party, cry, laugh, hug EVER again. A truly sad time for me.

Friends are a lifeline and essential in life and should never be taken for granted. It's not about how many we have or how popular but the quality of your circle and what you have to offer each other. Patricia reminded me that no matter how cruel life can be sometimes it shouldn't turn the person you are into the monster you have experienced. It is possible to absorb strength and become even more beautiful. That is you Trish, a tower of strength yet a delicate and beautiful butterfly.

Farewell my little luvey :)) xx

 

  
     

Sunday 12 February 2012

Mr Sand Man bring me a dream...

"Innovators don't just dream, they remember their dreams"

I always remember my dreams and usually two or three different ones per night and find it quite unusual (and annoying to be honest) when my husband doesn't remember any of his. I wake up quite eager to share my weird and eccentric dreams (and sometimes racy *wink wink*) with him and wonder what exciting places and adventures he has visited in the land of nod for him to just grumpily shrug his shoulders and say, 'I can't remember'. Arghhh!!

My strangest (and yet ironic) dream which has stuck with me since childhood was that I was pregnant and still living at home. My Mum was outraged and said I wasn't old enough or fit enough to be a Mother and I had to get rid of this 'thing'. Terrified, I left my home and gave birth alone (bet your thinking what is strange about this....) to a ....LADYBIRD! I brought my 'baby' home and tried to convince my Mother that I could care for this tiny little angel and started picking leaves off the hedge in our garden to feed it....(cuckoo, cuckoo I can now hear you saying). So I guess this gives you an idea on what goes on inside my head and I don't necessarily need to be asleep ;) 
 
However, last night's dream woke me like a slap in the face! I dreamt my doctor had altered my medication and never told me the side effects. Having taken them as prescribed I started to notice a 5 o'clock shadow....I was producing male hormones! I shaved my manly beard with a lady razor (as this is all I could find being a woman an all) and could still feel prickles. Distraught and not able to get to doctors in the morning I cried myself to sleep. When I woke (in my dream still) my face was stinging, bright red and had the worst shavers rash ever. Now the weirdest thing about this dream is not that I am a man but that I felt like I could really feel (in my real world) all the pain and the prickles of this stubble. The shock woke me up!! Frantically checking my face with my hands and still feeling the burning sensation I sighed a BIG breath of relief to find I was in fact a woman! Phew!  

Never forget ladies to ex-foliate, cleanse, tone and moisturise - important routine!

Any dream annalists out there willing to share their analysis of this?

Illustration - Picasso, The Dream



Saturday 11 February 2012

As we get older..

Nearly 2 weeks into the diet now and I have lost 5lbs. I was hoping for a far greater loss but I've noticed that the older I am getting the more difficult it is to shift the weight.

Long gone have the days where I could starve myself for 1 week living off tea/coffee and fags and easily loose 6-7lbs in preparation for a big party weekend with the aim to look my best in the tightest, low cut dress god could possibly create (and when I say god I actually mean my love for Karen Millen's creations).

I was (still am) a constant yo-yo dieter and having tried just about every craze out their for the 'quick fix diet' - including Atkins, Maple Syrup (this made me loose weight alright...I threw up all day on this disgusting concoction), cabbage soup (we won't go there), baby food (yep I really did), Weight Watchers (got sick of counting), packaged food delivered to your door (very expensive), Scottish Slimmers and now Slimming World.

As a child and entering into my early teens I was always very slim (my cousin's nickname for me was whippet) and I never really worried about what I ate. I ate what I wanted when I wanted and never seemed to put on weight. I swam and played hockey for the County (this was a bribery from my PE Teacher who promised she wouldn't tell my Mum I was skiving off from Cross Country and having a fag...apparently she saw potential in my hockey skills.....I just didn't want to run cross country so thought what the hell). 

As my body started changing and boobs (sorry to the guys reading this) and curves started to appear I became a lot more conscious of myself and trying to look more like my skinny-er friends who were also slightly more flat chested than I was. Puberty is a cruel time and certainly not something I would like to go through again!

This is when my unhealthy obsession with finding quick fixes (cos I hate exercise) to diet. At my very slimmest (and not the most attractive time) I was wearing the children's clothes range out of Newlook (ages 9 to 15yrs) and could fit my bony feet into a size 4 shoe. I thought I looked fab but my health was suffering - hair would fallout, had really bad skin and I was always ill with colds or some bug. I literately lived off tea, toast, fags and booze and was not in the best place with myself.

I met a guy (the old cliché), whom I fell in love with and made me like who I am again. As all couples do (and don't deny it) I started eating - we'd eat loads of junk food, late night pizzas, meals out etc and the pounds slowly started piling on but felt happy - perhaps this is where the saying, 'blinded by love', becomes relevant. Two kids later and I now look like this.....

Now, once upon a time I would have been devastated (well I'm still quite upset) and would have easily kick started myself into a regime but this time I'm finding it really difficult. Don't know whether this is because I'm older and my priorities have changed, or because I have the love of my life and not having to go out and impress or if because deep down I actually don't care what people think of me (well the latter is a lie sadly I do care). At the time this picture was taken (only a week a go) I actually felt okay - I put on my lala (that's make up by the way), washed and straightened the hair (which is usually tied up in a hair net), got myself a new outfit and spent the best night out with the girlies. Now looking at the picture I think - what the hell, I'm MASSIVE!! How on earth did I go out looking like that!

So peeps, this is where I remind you on why I am torturing myself with rabbit food for 3 months a) to loose weight and b) to raise money and awareness for a charity that is very close to my heart SANDS. So if you have a spare £1 or 2 I would ask you to help support me and the 30+ ladies taking on this challenge (and it really is a challenge as I'm desperate to tuck into one of my cakes again) for an inspiringly strong lady, Kirsti, who's beautiful baby boy, Alfie Joe, was born asleep.


picture with thanks to Picture U Carlisle


















Wednesday 8 February 2012

The cost of becoming healthy ££££

As a family of four our weekly shopping bills are never cheap but as we navigate the isles in Morrisons and load up on fresh fruit, vegetables, pasta, lean meats and sacks of potatoes we have to remove youngest from the seat so we can find room to put the essentials in....Yorkshire Tea and my amazing new mug!!!

Look what I found....

I notice the hubby is fine with whatever we put in the trolly (it's my turn to pay) and hasn't really double checked the price of things (like he usually does) but nothing prepared me for the cashier's announcement of, "that will be £199.98 please". WHATTTTT!!! The worst of it is I'll be round the Co-op mid-week topping up on milk, bread and even more fruit so it's not the end of the spending :(

This is what £200 buys you......hasn't even filled the fridge!!
My pocket may have been better before the diet but hopefully my waist line will benefit from the extra £60pwk spend on food! ;)






Sunday 5 February 2012

Juicy breast or thigh...? Now that is the question!

I've been brought up to believe that Sunday Dinner is a must as a family and it HAS to be a roast...no cheating and making spag bog or oven fish and chips..A full blown Sunday roast with all the trimmings: mash, cheese broccoli and cauliflower, honeyed parsnips, roasties, yorkshire pudding (homemade of course) and cabbage topped with the most important ingredient of this meal....homemade gravy made from the juices of the meat and also from the veg (ummmmmm droool ummmmm). We all sit down together (the one time in the week where we MUST sit and have a meal as a family) and chatter about the goings on of the week and basically just enjoy some quality family time over a hot tasty meal.

Since having my own children I have instilled these beliefs into my own family and make sure we all sit down together with no telly, laptop, playstation, DS etc to distract us from talking to one another. I may not always  stick to the 'roast' but it's the principle behind the meal that counts (right??).

Now I'm a breast girl and the hubby also likes a bit of breast so usually this is fine as the chicken obviously has two breasts, but the girls wanted some breast today so it left an unusual debate in my kitchen between my husband and I as to which one of us would have a piece of juicy breast or succulent thigh.....can't say that happens often ;) However, I won with the breast!!

Now as yummy as my usual roast may be it does not do any justice to the hips and at this junction in the diet I can't afford to slip (once I start I can't stop). So here is the slimmed down version of my usual full fat and very scrummy Sunday Dinner.

Roast chicken (remove skin before eating), mashed potato (made with skimmed milk and no butter), steamed veg and granulated (yep my hatred of granules is coming back to haunt me) gravy. I would have popped more veg on but forgot to shop last night ;)


Still very yummy and ...look....I'm drinking water with my meal!!

Tea saves lives!! Fact!

I am a self confessed tea addict. I LOVE my tea and quite often choose a cuppa over a glass of wine (gasp of shock I hear from you).

I'm not a tea snob but I do quite enjoy a green tea every now and then, I detest herbal tea (you might as well pour hotwater over a lump of wood), don't quite understand the craze for Earl Tea and I cannot abide granulated tea, in fact next time you're round someone's house and they have granulated tea I want you to pick up the jar and BIN IT!! However, I am a bit of a weirdo and like my tea made a certain way....

The important steps:
1. HAS to be Yorkshire Tea (I have been known to take a strop if hubby has bought the wrong brand)
2. I prefer a mug (this is usually when the hubby shouts up 'that would be me then') and can't stand it in a china cup.
3. Water has to be poured straight from the boil over the tea bag, left to stand (no mashing or swirling of the teabag) and then a gentle squeeze as removing the bag.
4. Add a dash of milk, no sugar and stir....wait for it...clockwise. NEVER anti-clockwise!
5. Sit back and enjoy :)) ahh bliss.

I'm not usually a big fan of Loose Women but as Denise Welch was back on the screen (and cos I'm nosy and wanted to see if she was getting any feedback after her appearance on Big Brother) I tuned in. And to my delight they were discussing the importance of tea. Oh happy days!

I realised that I am not the only weirdo who likes their tea done a special way and when Lisa Maxwell (ex-The Bill actress) came out with the quote 'Tea saves lives' it was like the whole importance of tea had come to light for me. It's the first thing I have on a morning (starts my day off in a good mood), if thirsty throughout the day I never drink water or juice I just quench the thirst with a hot cuppa, if I'm sad or have received bad news (this happens to me more times than you would think) it's the first thing people offer to make you!! Pop round to a friends house and they always offer you a cuppa, business meetings...you get a cuppa..

The whole world revolves around TEA!

So my lovely peeps, sit back and relax for 5 with a nice hot cup of tea made the way you prefer with a yummy treat (mine would obviously be a BabyCakes cupcake) and to brighten your day even further I have lost 3lbs this week on my new diet :))


Saturday 4 February 2012

I want a chicken!

My regular trip out to the farm to collect my free range eggs is an enjoyable time for both me and the kids. I get my free range eggs at a bargain price and get to see the wee hens clucking happily in their field and the kids think it's a day trip to the zoo!

Ella and Evelyn toddle off to chase the geese (although they tend to end up getting chased by  the geese) and pet the horse and I have a lovely natter with one of the most friendliest farmers I have ever met.

I remember last year when we visited he said 'they won't be producing any more eggs now lass as they are going out'.....I thought he meant he was putting them out in the field until he mentioned today that there won't be any eggs in April because they were 'going out'. So when I said 'but they are already out' he explained exactly what he meant....they were going to the slaughter house!!! I nearly died. The lovely hens which have being helping me bake the scrummy cakes all this time were going to die :( (sad day for Emma).

I've now begged the hubby if we can rescue them (bearing in mind there is 6000 of the cluckers) he calmly explained that we don't have the room in our garden but he'd happily let me have a couple. Bless him.

Now how do I decide which two lives I save!!


On the subject of my diet I'm really struggling today as I've done a lot of baking and really, REALLY want to eat the scraps....I've sneaked a few crumbs. That doesn't count though ... does it? ;)

Don't forget you can support us lovely ladies by sponsoring....

Friday 3 February 2012

It's a hairy experience..

Having for the first time in a LONG time gone and treated myself to a haircut and some fresh highlights I thought I would go all out and ask for a fringe! This is a HUUUGE step for me as I have a weird phobia about getting my haircut (also on mushrooms but that's a whole different story) and have to prepare myself for months for the scissor action (poor Nikki must think I'm a right one).

The reasonable and agreed amount for Nikki to cut off are 'eyelashes' - this means the hair has to stick to the scissors and must not fall to the ground. He's cutting too much if it does and I might just have a panic attack (it has been known).

So for me to decide to get a fringe cut in is not just a massive shock to Nikki but a great opportunity to actually snip off some hair.....and that he did. Totally love my new fringe and it's like an instant facelift, I look early 20's again ;)



Couldn't resist getting the eyelashes done to (the flipping pain though arghhhh) - awesome afterwards!


Feeling like I can take on the world now and really stick with the diet :))

Today's menu
Brekkie: Grilled bacon, boiled egg, beans and 1 small slice of wholemeal toast
Lunch: Forgot (whoops)
Dinner: Spicy pork salad with noodles
Treat: digestive biscuit 




Thursday 2 February 2012

Ladies that do lunch...

No business can survive without a bit of networking and I choose to do mine with the lovely Jeni Banks of May Fifteen Limited. Their Ladies @ Lunch is a particular fave of mine but being on my sponsored diet I did have a slight panic about what I could eat whilst out :( Thankfully the Hallmark Hotel cater to all requirements and I had the most delicious vegetable soup (minus the bread) as a starter and then a very yummy lemon and garlic (yep garlic again) chicken salad. STUFFED is not the word!!



After a lovely afternoon with the ladies it was time to turn into Mummy mode and take the children to softplay. Having exhausted ourselves with the likes of Walby Farm and Rookies we decided to give Aztecs a go. Kids loved it, plenty to play on and a lovely relaxing seating area for Mums and Dads to chill and natter over an Americano and yummy selection of treats...although I obviously chose the fruit salad bowl ;)

My only criticism of the place was that the music channel wasn't quite (what I would deem) suitable for children. The music video had Rihanna on as we sat down and well we all know what her videos are like....not something I would want my 3yr old and 6yr old daughters watching!!! Hubby enjoyed it though....I wonder why??

Anyway back to the busy kitchen to create some tasty wedding samples.....anyone else find it tiring switching from business woman, to mummy, to wife, to business woman, to mummy, to wife.....?? a little nap is in order me thinks :)

E x




Wednesday 1 February 2012

The new style breakfast

I'm very much a tea and toast girl but my 29yr love of bread is showing on me and this is quite possibly the hardest thing I have EVER had to give up.

I particularly love fresh, crunchy, seeded bread and (if left alone) I would quite happily eat a whole loaf to myself ;)

My morning routine consists of one 3yr old running around with a rugby team's worth of energy (*jealous*), waking a grumpy 6yr old and trying my hardest not to grumble with the lack of sleep I have had. My tea and toast is like a magic pill, and as mentioned in my post 1st day of much needed diet it helps restore the calmer side of me and prepare me for the day ahead. 

I can't quite give up (and to be fair I still need the caffeine) my Yorkshire Tea but I have swapped my scrummy toast for a bowl of fruit and yoghurt.....#NotQuiteTheSame